Saturday, October 20, 2018

Embrace My Feeling

My friend once said to me, "Helen, you are actually a melancholic, you use a lot of feeling. But you cover all of your feeling and you hate it. That is why you tend to use more logic than your feeling. Embrace your feeling. It's okay Helen to embrace your feeling"

Embrace your feeling. It seems a new word to my head. What I always do is praying that God will turn off my feeling, because using feeling is more complicated than logic. Logic is much simpler, it will do what my brain told. It's different with feeling. My heart doesn't seem in line with my brain. That's why sometimes I don't do what I should do and let my heart do what it shouldn't do. I hate when my feeling is stronger than my logic. I will be easily got down and I will cry a lot. I feel how brittle I am, like a broken glass, I am broken into pieces. That’s what I feel about myself. I feel like I am so weak and I hate this kind of feeling.

Love… This is the word that makes my world go around. I can feel my world a little bit different. My life is not only consisting of to do list. Sometimes I feel like I am a little bit alive from my robotic life when I fall in love. I can smile while reading a chat from a special person. I can cry when he seems so far away from me, even though I know, in this digital era, he is just one chat away.

But, what I always hate about love is, because there are too much negative effects to me. That is why I love to use more logic and put aside my feeling. Even though I know I will be more look like to a robot, but at least I am not down. Better being flat than being sad. Isn't it?

I have to admit that now I am falling in love with someone. One good thing about love is that I can be more melancholic and could be a little bit more artistic than ever before. So, this time, as love come across my life, I will embrace my feeling, as my friend had advised me. 

Suddenly, as I remember about him, I remember this poetry:

I want to love you simply
In words not spoken: 
Tinder to the flame which transforms it to ash

I want to love you simply: 
In signs not expressed: 
Clouds to the rain which make the rain which make them evanescent

Through this poetry, I just want to say that: 

1. I want to love you simply
Hey, wherever you are, I just want to say that I want to love you simply. No matter what you feel, I just want to love you. I just want to embrace my feeling. Hey, I just want to talk to you. Is it too much? So, may I love you that simple?

2. I will still love you even though it’s painful and could be not to expressed a lot
If you feel this poetry deeply, you can feel how sad it is. It’s a love that needs a lot of sacrifice, even it sacrifices itself. It’s an unexpressed love from tinder to the flame which will transforms it to ash. How painful. 

I know that love could be very painful to me. It’s hurt a lot because I can’t express my feeling. It hurts a lot because I feel that you don’t have the same feeling with me. Well, but, let just let me love you in my own way. I will pray for you and this is how I show how deep my love for you. Is it painful? It could be, sometimes. But I am grateful because I can talk and ask for you directly from your Creator, LOL

So, let me love you simply. In words not spoken: tinder to the flame which transforms it to ash. Let me love you simply. In signs not expressed: clouds to the rain which make the rain which make them evanescent. Hey, I hope you read this! Even I don’t think you do, because you have no curiosity about me :P

I hate being falling in love but I love you. This is a weird feeling but I think you (as the reader) understand exactly how I feel (if you ever fall in love). I just want to embrace my feeling. I just want to let the world know how I love you. And I just want to add some writing to my blog, since I have never ever write any in 2018. Oh my goodness. LOL. 

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